M3 and the limits of Freedom.

That's me... over there... beyond the fence...

Report to the agency: M3 and the limits of Freedom

Sometimes my humans are just too cute. After my two latest successful escapes a couple of weeks ago, they have decided to install an “invisible” fence that is supposed to keep beagle agents such as myself from getting out of the yard.
Really? An INVISIBLE fence!? How much did you pay for that? Did it come with an “invisible” gate too? Or an “invisible” barn? How about a new suit of clothes for the emperor? What part of "invisible" don't they get?
To quote the great Hooker – Shakespeare’s dog – “What fools these humans be.” I thumb my nose at their “invisible” fence – well, I don’t perhaps “thumb” exactly, but I most certainly twitch my tail at it, and I wave my whiskers. Pffft! Since no actual fence has yet been built that will keep beagle agents from their appointed rounds, how could they possibly think that an invisible fence could do anything? It’s not even there, for dog’s sake.
Anyway, a very nice human male came in a truck and dug a small trench all around the perimeter after which he planted lots of pretty little flags along the trench, and assured my humans that they now have a fence that will keep me in.
I thought they would kick him off the property, but instead they gave him an amazing amount of money, in spite of my barking a warning that THERE WAS NOTHING THERE!
Mind you, I did get a very nice new collar out of the deal, so not an entire loss, but if you ask me, my humans were taken in by a not very clever scam.
I can hardly wait for the time they let me out into the back yard and tell me to stay inside the “fence” and then pretend to close a “gate.”
My next report will be filed from Jakarta.
As always
Yours
M3

Report to the Agency: M3 unleashed.

Report to the Agency: M3 unleashed.
My humans, lovely and caring creatures though they are, are under the mistaken impression that they need to be in control of me at all times, which is why they walk me on a leash, buckle me into the car, and tie me to a post outside the coffee shop, grocery store or bank when we go to the village.
What they don’t realize, of course, is that as a secret agent on a mission from the Agency, I must be free to leap into action at any second.
In order to maintain my readiness to spring alertly to my feet and dash off on a job, I do, unfortunately, often have to gnaw my way through whatever restraints my humans use.
Yesterday I did make a tiny error in my gnawing. Instead of merely severing a leash or other small restraining strap, I managed to chew nearly clean through my female human’s car seat belt. Seat belts are made of tougher material than I had thought. So far only my expensive leather strap has proved too resilient for me to cut through in a few minutes, but only because one of my humans – the male – asked me if I had lost my mind and would I mind stopping immediately.
The seat belt was, I admit, a mistake. My only excuse is that it was late, I was a little tired, and perhaps a little distracted by my concern for the safety of my humans who had left me in the car for a few minutes while they went into a store. At any rate, while I had meant to slice through my own seat restraint, I managed to saw almost clean through my human’s restraint.
As you can imagine, when my humans saw my handiwork, they were so impressed they were practically speechless, holding the belt in their hands and asking each other to “Have a look at this! How on Earth did she manage to do that?”
It’s good to know I can still impress them, although they really need to learn to smile more.
All in all, a job well done: at least I know I can do it if need be.
Keeping my teeth and wits sharp, I remain
Yours,
M3.