M3 goes to the dogs.

Report to The Agency: M3 goes to the dogs.

I have noticed that humans have a great many expressions that involve dogs, and not all of them are complimentary. “Gone to the dogs,” for instance, means to be a completely lost cause; to be “in the dog house” means to be in serious trouble, and “a dog’s breakfast” refers to something that’s truly awful to look at.
What the humans don’t realize is that we canines have a rich and delightful repertoire of expressions involving the peculiarities of humans and their odd quirks.
Being “lost like a human,” for instance, is what we say of a hopelessly confused dog. “Tracking like a human” means that a dog really doesn’t want to - or can't - find whatever it's looking for. If a dog seems to be in a particularly bad mood, another dog might ask, "Human step on your paw?" or "Did you have your collar tightened?" If a puppy is really acting up a parent might tell it to "stop acting like a baby," or say of it: "that puppy's clumsy as a toddler."
Humans are also, as you know, notoriously difficult to train. I have tried for days to get my humans to understand that when they give me a Dentabone to chew, for instance, I would like to take it outside and bury it, even if there are four feet of snow in the back yard. I take the bone and I walk to the back door, and look over my shoulder at my humans to get them to come and open the door and let me out.... but nothing. I pick the bone up and take it to them - get their eye contact, and walk to the back door again. Still nothing. Sometimes I find them so exasperating that I can't help but whine! When humans are that slow to pick up on a hint, we will often comment that the "if a human got a meal for every trick he learned, he would starve to death in a week."
And fighting - dogs don't like to fight and will avoid it whenever it can. Dogs know that they can - likely will - get hurt in a fight, and being hurt is no fun at all, so they go to great lengths to avoid arguments and fighting. Sure, they'll bark and posture and jump around and shove and nip at each other. But really fight? Not if we can help it. People, on the other and, seem unable to imagine what it's like being hurt in a fight, and so will fight each other at the drop of a bone. It's odd that in spite of this fact, the humans have a saying that it's a "dog eat dog world." Dog's have a saying that "a dog who tries to break up a human fight will be hurt the most."
But by and large people mean well, and they try their best to to get along with each other, although they are not always successful. They are, however, almost unfailingly kind to dogs, which is why we say: "pick your humans carefully, and you will never be hungry again. You may be made to look a little silly now and again - see picture to the right, for instance - but the food will be good"
Words to live by, I say.
Yours,
M3

(If he puts a hat on me, I'm

putting in for re-assignment).