Report to the Agency: M3 and the three dog nights.

Trying to warm up my one-dog

nose on a three-dog night

Report to the Agency: M3 and the three dog nights.
I am well aware my assignment here requires a good deal of work in the out-o- doors, seeking and sniffing out messages, assessing my surroundings and reporting any findings to the Agency, but the recent extreme cold weather has made this task a bit more difficult than usual. You see, my humans have decided to shorten my walks because they are afraid my paws will get ice in between my toes, that the salted sidewalks will hurt my paw pads and the bitter wind-chill will cause frostbite on my cold, wet nose (which they seem to like to grab to catch my attention... and I have to admit it works).
During the day it’s about -20 or colder with the wind chill factor (-4F for the older or American canines receiving this report) and at night it’s much, much colder. I can’t help but think back to my posting in Havana... Ah... how wonderful the Cuba Libre chews were.
Anyway, with this extreme weather they even took me to a store and tried to fit me with “doggy mukluks.” They first got the idea when they saw the Boxer next door wearing little blue “booties.” I knew I could never let them fit my paws into boots - how am I supposed to pick things up, dial the phone or work my Dogberry with boots on!? I managed to get out of having to wear the silly things by making my paws go limp when my female human tried to put it on my paws. She struggled a bit and then gave up, saying, “Fine. We’ll buy the $9 paw cream instead of the $75 Harley Davidson Mukluks and just shorten the walks and keep a close eye on her. It’s just too cold outside...” She is becoming very fond of me, I think.
I have noticed, by the way, that it takes both humans longer to get ready for the walks now than a few weeks ago. They bundle up by putting on sweaters on top of shirts on top of t-shirts, and then add a thin coat and finally a thick fluffy parka. They also have boots for their hind legs (like very big mukluks for dogs), and gloves for their front paws. Each human also has at least three hats and sometimes wear them in combination with each other – ear flaps down to protect their ears, headbands to protect their forehead, and muffs and scarves for their necks. If they’d only grow a fur coat – even a short-hair one like mine, they’d feel much better and feel far less of the chill.
They talk about the weather all day long. If they aren’t talking about it, they’re listening to it on the television, the radio, or looking at it on the Internet. Some humans have referred to the cold weather as being a three, four or five dog night, meaning that this is how many dogs they would need to curl up with to keep warm. Little do they know that among dogs, the saying is “a two humans and a duck down duvet night...”
As always,
M3